Avoidance Read online

  Avoidance

  Kristen Granata

  Copyright © 2018 by Kristen Granata

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Table of Contents

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter One: The Bitch is Back

  Chapter Two: Goodbye

  Chapter Three: We’re Not in Kansas Anymore

  Chapter Four: Chasing Merritt

  Chapter Five: The Tremor

  Chapter Six: Nightmares and Mimosas

  Chapter Seven: Going Under

  Chapter Eight: A Hole in the Chest

  Chapter Nine: The Drunk Girl Crying Thing

  Chapter Ten: The Fighter

  Chapter Eleven: Day Two

  Chapter Twelve: The Way You Need to Be Loved

  Chapter Thirteen: He Deserves Better

  Chapter Fourteen: Down the Rabbit Hole

  Chapter Fifteen: A Second Chance

  Chapter Sixteen: Forgiveness

  Chapter Seventeen: Guardian Angels

  Chapter Eighteen: It Hurts But I’ll Live

  Chapter Nineteen: Endings Are Just New Beginnings

  Acknowledgements

  Coming Soon

  To my parents,

  for teaching me to strive towards being the best version of myself,

  and for always correcting my grammar.

  Read the first book in this series:

  Collision on Amazon

  Prologue: 2010

  “Can you do my makeup next?” I asked.

  “Not tonight, babe. Another time.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Out to dinner for Roseanne’s birthday.”

  I sat on the lid of the toilet bowl in the bathroom while my mother fixed herself up in the mirror. I watched as she flawlessly swooped her eyeliner across her lid without making a mistake. Her brown hair was the same color as mine, but fell in loose waves around her shoulders. I often wished my hair looked more like hers, instead of the thick frizzy spirals I was cursed with. I didn’t think that I looked anything like her. People said I did, but I think that’s just the sort of thing people say when meeting someone’s child.

  “Did you finish all of your homework?”

  I nodded. “Yup. Sixth grade is a piece of cake.”

  She smiled at me in the mirror. “What are you and Dad watching tonight?”

  “My Cousin Vinny.”

  “Oh, good. Something new for a change.” She rolled her eyes for dramatic effect.

  I giggled. “It’s just as funny every time. I never get sick of it.”

  She spritzed herself with perfume from a blue glass bottle. “I don’t know about this top. What do you think? I don’t like the way it makes my stomach look from the side.”

  “I think it looks great. You always look great.” I laughed at the way she fussed over her appearance so much before going out. Everyone that met her would make a big deal about how pretty she was – strangers that passed us on the street felt compelled to tell her about her beauty wherever we went. My friends even made comments about how lucky I was to have such a young-looking mom. It got annoying but my best friend, Shelly, would tell me to look on the bright side: “When you grow up, you’ll probably look just as hot as she does.” I doubted it.

  She kissed the top of my head. “I love you. Have fun tonight.”

  I jumped to my feet and wrapped my arms around her. “I love you. See you when you get home.”

  “I might be home after you fall asleep, but I’ll check on you before I go to bed.”

  “Okay. Have a nice time.”

  I followed my mother out of the bathroom, shutting the light behind me. In the living room, I watched my father take in her appearance.

  “You look nice,” he said as he stood from the couch.

  She swung her leather jacket over her shoulders. “Thanks. Have fun.”

  I stood by the entryway table, watching as she rummaged through her purse. My father and I exchanged matching grins as she became more frantic in her daily search for her keys.

  “You two could be helping me, instead of laughing at me,” she muttered.

  “Where would the fun be in that?” I asked.

  “I don’t understand how they disappear all the time.” She stormed into the kitchen, yanking open a drawer to rummage through.

  “They won’t be in there,” I called.

  “Merritt, if you know where they are – just tell me, please! I can’t be late.”

  I held up her purse as she came back into the living room. Her keys were hanging out of the front zipper pocket.

  She rolled her eyes. “Sometimes, I really think I’m losing my mind.”

  “Only sometimes?” I asked.

  My father chuckled.

  “Don’t encourage her,” she warned, as she leaned in to give him a peck on the lips.

  “Don’t act like you have no idea where she gets that sarcasm from.”

  She wore a smirk as she quickly grabbed her purse. She waved one last time to me. Then, she was out the door. I often compared her to a tornado, blowing around the house looking for her misplaced belongings whenever she was running late for something.

  I pretended not to notice my father’s expression as he slumped back down onto the couch. “I’ll get the snacks!”

  It was a usual Thursday night hanging out with Dad, while Mom went out with her friends. She had been a stay-at-home mom for the first eleven years of my life. This past year, she began working as a receptionist for a law firm in Manhattan. She even joined a gym, and bought a new wardrobe to match her new physique. I couldn’t blame her for wanting to feel good about herself, or for wanting to pursue her own interests. If my dad could work and pay for things, why couldn’t she? He didn’t say it, but I think my father took it personally, as if her newfound independence meant she no longer wanted to stay home to be with him. Things seemed different between her and my father lately. Then again, I couldn’t tell if they were always this way, or if I was just old enough to finally take notice.

  Together on the couch, my father and I laughed throughout the movie. I loved the sound of his laugh; it was a hearty chortle that was contagious to anyone who was in earshot. My mother and I were close, but I was a daddy’s girl through and through. Whether we were watching movies, or restoring the old Chevelle in our garage, we were an inseparable duo. Hard-working, loving, and smart, I looked up to him in so many ways.

  “Alright, kiddo,” he said when the movie ended. “Go wash up for bed, and I’ll tuck you in.”

  Once I was under my covers, I opened my favorite book to the dog-eared page where I had left off the night before.

  “Again?” my father asked with a smile, as he sat down on the edge of my bed.

  “Again,” I replied, running my fingers over the cover of Romeo and Juliet.

  “You’re a sucker for a love story, like your old man.”

  “I’m just fascinated with how they could love each other so much, that they were willing to die without one another. That’s just crazy to me.”

  “Love can make you crazy, sometimes.”

  “What was your love story with mom?”

  “Tenth grade Biology class. She walked in the room, and sat in the seat right in front me. She was s
o beautiful. I tried for days to get up the nerve to talk to her, but I couldn’t figure out what to say. So one day, I tapped her on her shoulder and asked her for the time.”

  “What did she do?”

  “She turned around, looked down at the watch that was around my wrist, and said, “I don’t know. Why don’t you check your watch?” Then she smiled, and turned back around. That was it for me.”

  “What do you mean, that was it?”

  “I fell in love with her.”

  “You didn’t know anything about her! How could you be in love with her already?”

  “Love isn’t logical.” He shrugged. “Some things you just know.”

  “I hope I have a romantic love story to tell one day.”

  He touched my cheek. “You will, my girl. Just make sure he’s worthy. Don’t let anyone near your heart unless he deserves to hold it.”

  “Will you help me, and tell me if he’s worth it? In case I can’t tell?”

  “Of course,” he replied with a smile. “I’ll always be here to help you.”

  Chapter One: The Bitch is Back

  I gripped the doorknob to steady myself as I felt my knees threatening to buckle from underneath me. My throat felt dry. Staring into her eyes – the same golden brown color as mine – I remembered how much damage the soul behind those eyes could do. It was no wonder that fear was the first emotion I felt upon seeing my mother for the first time in over eight years. Standing before me was the human equivalent of Pandora’s Box. Just like that, all of the demons I had fought so hard to lock away were suddenly set free. They came rushing towards me, tightening their claws around my lungs so that I could barely breathe. I took one step back, and swung the door shut with all of my might. I prayed that the powerful slam would send her back to wherever it was that she came from.

  “What are you doing?” Chase reached for the doorknob, but hesitated, thinking twice.

  I stared at the door, afraid it would magically open against my will.

  He gently cupped both of my shoulders, and looked into my eyes. He was resisting the urge to shake me, I was sure.

  “Merr, don’t you want to know what she wants?”

  That question snapped me out of paralysis. “What she wants? I don’t care what she wants!”

  “It’s just me. You don’t have to pretend that you don’t care.”

  “Oh, I’m not pretending.”

  A soft knock came from behind the door.

  I looked at Chase, incredulous that she had the nerve to knock a second time. A familiar feeling began creeping its way through my body. It slowly pooled out over my chest, like hot lava, continuing down my arms into my fingertips. Rage and I were old friends, the kind who could pick right back up where we left off despite all the time we spent apart. What was constricting my airways before could no longer stop me as I ripped open the door.

  “Get the fuck out of here!” I shouted. “Get away from this house, get off this island! I want you to get as far away from me as you possibly can!”

  “Merritt, I–” she began.

  “No! You don’t get to say anything!” I stepped towards her, with my index finger less than an inch from her nose. “You don’t get to say a single word to me. You don’t deserve to stand here in front of me and look me in the eyes!”

  She leaned against the railing behind her as she took a step backwards. “I know you’re angry–”

  “You know? What is it that you know, exactly? Because if you knew anything about what I went through, you wouldn’t have the audacity to come here and knock on my door!”

  “What is all the yelling about?” Tanner was now standing at the bottom of the stairs.

  Chase popped his head out from the doorway. “Everything is okay, Tan. Go back inside.”

  “It doesn’t sound like it’s okay.” He remained where he stood, eyeing the woman standing in front of me.

  “Everything will be fine once she gets the hell away from me!” I shouted into her face.

  She put her hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay. I’ll go.”

  Chase stepped outside onto the landing. “Hold on.”

  “No, Chase. Don’t,” I warned. “Let her go.”

  He stood tall, with his muscular arms crossed over his chest. To anyone else, his stance would have looked aggressive; but I knew him better than that. Chase was not a hothead, like his brother below us. His dark green eyes were calm and focused.

  “I just need to know. Why now?” he asked. “You ran out on your family so long ago. You left your husband to die, and you left your child to fend for herself. After all this time, why come back now?”

  She cleared her throat, her eyes nervously darting from me, to Chase, then back to me again. “I heard about what happened… to your father, to you. I feel terrible that you had to experience all of that.”

  “She had to experience all of that alone,” Chase interrupted. “Because of you.”

  Hot tears stung my eyes, as I listened to Chase defend me.

  She lowered her head. “I know. Merritt, I am so–”

  I put my hand up to stop her before she could get the rest of the words out. “No. I don’t want to hear it. You don’t get to be sorry for a choice that you made. If you feel guilty, then good. I hope the guilt eats away at you. I hope it kills you, and rots your insides. Nothing you say will ever make this better. I will never forgive you for what you did to Dad.” The tears threatened to spill out over my eyelids. I could not allow them to come out. I would not give my mother the satisfaction. Quickly, I turned around, and walked back inside.

  Chase remained outside. Their voices sounded muffled, and I was grateful. I did not want to hear another word uttered from her mouth. I felt embarrassed that Tanner had heard me screaming from inside his house. I wished that I did not let her get to me the way she did. I sat on the couch, hugging my knees to my chest, willing myself to stop crying in the silence of the apartment.

  Several minutes passed, and finally Chase returned, closing the door behind him. He walked into the living room, running his fingers through his hair, and collapsed on the couch beside me with a sigh.

  “Whatever she said, it doesn’t matter.”

  “I know.” He shook his head. “I always hoped she had a good reason for leaving… like maybe she witnessed a terrible crime, and had to go into witness protection in order to save you and your father from being murdered; or she was abducted by aliens.”

  “But now you realize that she is just a narcissistic asshole who abandoned her family for her own selfish reasons.” I wiped a stray tear from my cheek.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Right now, no; but I will be, once the shock wears off.” I looked up into his concerned eyes. “Thank you for defending me.”

  He kissed my forehead, then tilted my chin to bring my lips to his. “I will always stand behind you. No matter what.”

  “Ditto.” I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in for another kiss. “I have to call Shelly. Do you think you could go explain this to Tanner? And make sure she’s not still lurking around out there.”

  “Of course. I’ll be back in a little bit.”

  After he left, I locked the door behind him. I paced the apartment, listening to each ring of the phone until Shelly picked up.

  “I’m still mad at you,” she answered.

  “Fine, then I guess I can’t tell you what just happened after you left.”

  “You told Chase you didn’t want to go to California?”

  “Claire paid me a visit.”

  It was silent on the other side for a moment. “Claire? Your mother, Claire?”

  “Yup. The bitch is back.”

  “Why? How did she find you? What did she want? What did she say?”

  “I didn’t let her say much. I told her to leave. I yelled. I thought about pushing her down the flight of cement stairs.”

  “You yelled at her? I wish I could have witnessed that. What did she say?”

  “Sh
e tried to say she was sorry, and that she felt bad when she heard about what happened.” I laughed. “As if that would fix everything she wrecked.”

  “Are you okay? Is she still there?”

  “I’ll be fine. I don’t know where she went.”

  “I wonder if she’s living here now.”

  I shuddered at the thought. “I’m more shocked than anything. It feels like I saw a ghost.”

  “I can imagine. I don’t know what I would have done if I was there. Why now, though? Why would she come back so randomly out of the blue?”

  “I don’t know. Why did she leave when she did? That was out of the blue, too. There’s no rhyme or reason. She does what she wants, when she wants it. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself.”

  “What did she expect you to do when you saw her? Hug and braid each other’s hair? She’s got balls coming back here. Everyone knows what she did. How did she even find out about what happened to you and your dad, anyway?”

  “Again, I don’t know and I don’t care. None of it matters.”

  Shelly sighed. “Well, I can’t be mad at you now. Claire really does ruin everything.”

  I chuckled. “Good. Then you’ll hang out with me tomorrow?”

  “Yes. What time are you working until?”

  “We close at five. I’ll have to come home and shower the smell of engine oil off of me. Figure by six-thirty?”

  “Okay. Merr?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t let this ruin all of your progress. She’s not worth it.”

  “I know.”

  “Okay. Bye.”

  I peered out the window from my couch in the living room, looking around for any unfamiliar cars parked nearby. Mounds of snow were piled high along the curb. The usual vehicles were parked in their usual spots. Everything looked as it did before my mother showed up at my doorstep. Still, I felt uneasy.

  Claire was a tornado. She came out of nowhere, and destroyed everything in her path before disappearing into thin air. If all the storm trackers in the world still couldn’t predict a tornado, there was no way anybody would be able to understand Claire. I didn’t want to waste my time trying.